Yikes.. I didn't know! Sorry..

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by HoosierTim, Dec 25, 2006.

  1. HoosierTim

    HoosierTim New Member


    I've been DX'd with Fibro since 99.. My last pain doc went out of business because of her health, and now I've not any meds, and I'm so depressed that I'm considering just ending it.. No one believes me, because I always hear? You look healthy! Well, I'm so weak I can barely walk. Of course, the med that helped me most was Methadone and Prosac, but don't have any of those at this time.. I have a pain doc appointment on Januarly 11, but I'm so over this.. Someone please tell me it will get better? I am tired of living like this.. I used to have so much energy, and now I can't do anything that I like to do..I can't work, can't play my guitar, etc.. Because I used to be in a rock band (And I didn't do drugs) and have long hair, I get the double "you must be a druggy.. " I'm so over it.. Any suggestions? Why should I change myself to fit someone else's thinking? I'm not a bad person.. Just ill.. I'm so sick of hearing "It's just depression!"..
    God bless and HELP!
    [This Message was Edited on 12/25/2006]
  2. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    Tim, I am older than you but also suffer. Not as much as you I am sure. Especially right now.

    I just want you to know that I just read your post and I wish I could reach through the computer and hold on to you man and say...may God help you and me and all of us ...right now and each day.

    I am a guy...but I mean this in a humanitarian way.

    We feel your pain and loss of hope...hopin' as strong as I can that somehow things look up for you starting today. JB
  3. Willowsway

    Willowsway New Member

    Tim...I know how you feel. I hate taking the pain medication, and some people judge us by this....we have to learn that we have a real problem with the pain and depression. We can't rely on those around us to understand, but here on this board we understand. Please check out my profile and send me and email if you like.I would like to talk to you. I have been at the point you are several times but I keep on going. I will pray for you..Please email me and put your name in the subject line....Tina
  4. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    Welcome to the message boards!

    Tim, something helped once (Prosac and Methadone), so something can help again. Maybe a good doc will get you on these again. Or they can find something as good or better.

    *****Do any of our members reading this have an idea how to get Tim his usual meds sooner, before January 11th?*****

    We will always believe you. 100 percent. :) All the people who don't believe you, well, they just don't know a thing about it!

    Lots of people feel the way you're feeling. It may not keep on being so hard. I'm sure you'll get some meds that will help with your symptoms. Hanging out here is pretty great too. Keep on comming. Lots of people here are rooting for you.

    (( )) Shannon :)

    P.S. For an e-mail couselling kind of place, there's a free service provided by a group called the samaritans. You can google them. I'm pretty sure it's samaritans.org They're not as great as this site and they are not so understanding about the disease at times, but you can say anything there, no rules. I'm really glad you found immunesupport.

    [This Message was Edited on 12/25/2006]
  5. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    I'm sorry that you're having a rough time of it. This is a great place to get support and information so I hope you stick around to do just that.

    You must be alone today, as some of us are, and that sucks too. But there's tomorrow and the day after that and that's plenty of time for things to change.

    You also, like many of us, are furious that FM has changed your life from that which you may have planned to that which you sure as *ell didn't. That's OK. Be angry, get it out, then figure out what you still have going for you. I'm sure there are a lot of things that survived FM and made it to this point.

    As for changing, only you can tell if there's anything you might need to change to make your life or someone else's a bit easier. But it's not necessary to do it for us.

  6. marsupialmama

    marsupialmama New Member

    my one brother used to be in a band and the other brother used to have long hair, and I know they are good guys. I think it's sooo wrong that people judge you by your looks. I've been overweight all my life so I've BTDT too. Oh, and I belong to a religion that gets a lot of bad press and I get flack for following that too.

    All I can say is hang on in there. Can you go to emerg if the physical pain gets too much? And if the emotional pain is too much, call the local distress line, it can help just to unburden your feelings sometimes.

    Take it day by day and hour by hour. And ask God to help. He is always there even (and especially) when no one else is.

    Good luck.
  7. BobinGermany

    BobinGermany New Member


    I am sorry that you are having a bad time today. I know this sounds easy to say but I know from experience things WILL get better. As far as your hair and being in a band, my son has long hair, tatoos, and is in a band but has the heart of an angel. So try not to let what others think bring you down. As someone else posted if the pain gets too bad today can you get to the emergency room? That would help for now and Jan 11th isn't that far away. There are alot of wonderful people here that have tons of experience with this disease and are more than glad to share tips with you on things they do to feel better. Some of the tips will probally help and some might not as everyones body is not the same. Also, like someone else said if the other meds helped before then there is probally something that can help now. If you ever feel like chatting I am on here alot. Just put my user name in the subject line of a message and I will get back to you. For a lighter side, what kind of music do you play? I play keyboards, was a music major in college. What kind of guitar do you have?

    Well. Enough from me for now. Try to hang in there and things will get better.

    God Bless,
    [This Message was Edited on 12/25/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 12/25/2006]
  8. springrose22

    springrose22 New Member

    There's no need for you to wait that long before getting new meds. Are there any walk in clinics near where you live? If not, go to an ER, and though you may have to wait there, it's better than waiting until Jan 11. The Docs will give you something to tide you over until that date. I know they would do it here in Canada, presumably they will do it there too.

    No, you are not a bad person and not just depressed. This disease is very depressing. Take care. We on this board know how you feel. Marie
  9. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    I just want to thank you for reaching out to us and for having the courage to be honest. You're not a bad person at all. Just honest enough to share your feelings.

    It hurts when people don't understand how ill we are and either minimize it or discount it all together. They don't have to live with illness constantly and feel like cr*p all the time as well as feel the loss of hobbies and friends. It can be miserable sometimes.

    *If you can't hang on until your appt until January 11, PLEASE don't be shy about getting help sooner. It sounds like you need some medication or a calibration in the meds you already taking....there is no shame in that whatsoever. If you can't hang on, please call that doc's office and tell them you are feeling suicidal. If they won't help or won't help you quickly enough, go to the ER or call 911.

    You can also talk to a caring person "live" by calling a suicide hotline. I had a friend in college that was one of the counselors on the hotlines. They are supposed to be really caring and helpful (my friend was amazing- and don't worry, they're not all college-aged). Here is the website: http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

    Continue to reach out to people like you are doing. Some people will never understand what you are going through, but many of us do, and

    God bless you,


    [This Message was Edited on 12/25/2006]
  10. Slayadragon

    Slayadragon New Member

    At one point I journeyed to the depths of hell during my illness, and so I know what you're talking about. I know that you're not supposed to mention that word on the board (and will get this whole thread stripped if you don't change it), but your feelings are understandable. I'm sorry that things are so hard right now.

    In my case, I decided that the best strategy was to keep plugging along in the hope that things would improve. It's my belief that people have the right to do what they want in their lives, but even when things got dark I tried to focus on the hope that they wouldn't always be like that.

    Things did get better for me and (despite the fact that I am not entirely well) I am overall happy with my life now. The good thing about living in the 21st Century (as opposed to even 20 years ago) is that solutions are available to make life bearable no matter how rough things seem. Finding the solutions can be a struggle, but they are there. Eventually (and sooner than you think) you will get there, if you focus your efforts in that direction.

    As a practical matter, since you call yourself hoosiertim, I'm guessing you live in Indiana. If it's near Indianapolis, I suggest that you might try the emergency room in Greenfield. I recently had an experience there for a weird problem that other doctors that I've seen have been puzzled by. The physician that I saw was superb, and the staff was extremely supportive. I think that you might have a better experience there than you would at most big hospital ER's, and so if feasible you might want to try that one.

    Keep us informed as to how you're doing, and please don't be put off by people who focus only on telling you not to mention a certain word without giving any acknowledgement with regard to the feelings behind it. There are many people here who care and look forward to hearing that you're feeling better.

    And you will feel better, if you keep pushing forward with that as the goal. I am absolutely sure of it. The tools are there---you just need to push a bit to get them for yourself.
  11. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I think many of us try to get through one day at a time.

    When you have untreated pain it is so important to find a doctor to help. You can't give up until you find a good doctor. Personally, I am not into anti-depressants but they may work for others.... If your pain was relieved, you could be more active, and may not feel depressed.

    Usually when I am down, there are problems I need to address. Eventually, I work to solve them.

    Also, whenever I am feeling down about the challenges and losses due to fibromyalgia and CFS I look around at others in this world who are so much worse off than me. Meaning, I try to write down all the good things, or blessings if you want to call it, I have.

    I think of small children who have never had one well day in their lives.

    What has helped me alot is focusing on helping others in any way possible. I try NOT to focus on myself.

    Life is dynamic and changing every day. Some of the things I do (when I feel up to it):

    I visit the animal shelters and have a chat with every single animal - telling them things are going to be okay. They are so terrified and some mistreated. I cannot adopt any animals, but if I find a animal that definitely should be rescued, I use the internet to contact breed rescue organizations to see if they will get the dog.

    I call my elderly relatives who are now all alone, every day to say hi and find out if all is okay. Also, let them talk on about the past and I am interested in their life stories. One uncle is 78, all alone, and sick.

    My aunt is 80, and also alone and sick.

    I also call my brother every day just to say hi, and ask how he is feeling. He was fired from his job last year (terrible employer) and is now on disability due to spinal disease.

    I have two dogs myself and I try everyday to give them my love and attention. They have a yard to play and are in the house during the day. I take them for a walk at night outside.

    I make myself get out of the house every day, even if I sit at a public place reading and watching people. I made the huge mistake a few years ago of isolating myself.

    Weeks would go by and I would not leave the house. I was practically bedridden. Part was lack of exercise.

    My terrible pain was stopped a couple of years ago when I took MS Contin for 9 months. During that time, I became very active and my body was able to get better. I had to stop the MS Contin due to side effects but transitioned to a lighter opiate which I have used for 1 1/2 yrs now.

    I never have the terrible aching like before. If I have any discomfort, I use Ultram and Tylenol. I rarely have to use the Ultram.

    Before taking anti-depressants, maybe if some other problems are solved you won't need them. Like find a good doctor. Once you are feeling better, make sure to get out of the house at least once a day.

    Remember, each day is a new beginning.
  12. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

  13. HoosierTim

    HoosierTim New Member

    Hi guys and gals.. I really appreciate the concern.. Someone asked if I could go to the ER.. i've done that, and they are convinced that I'm only depressed and don't need anything.. My primary doc who works at the local health clinic wrote something bad in my records I'm convinced. The only person that ever believed me was a certain pain doc that I'm going back to. I had to leave him when the DEA made me go every month to get my scripts! My own family thinks I'm faking an illness to get drugs.. I don't get it.. I'm 45, and would give anything to not have to take meds.. Someone here asked if over the counter stuff helps.. no.. I also recently had two bad cardiograms, and was just released from the hospital after being in 4 days for that, and they tell me now that I also have Pancreatitus.. So, besides the leg pain, muscle burning, etc, now I have tormenting- mind numbing stomach pain constantly.. All of this seemed to have started after I had a gall bladder surgery a few years back that I almost bled to death. Until that time I was a roubust young man that weighed 165 lbs.. Now I'm overweight (Loosing big time because of the pancreas) and that was due to Amitryptiline, etc.. For 2 years I suffered terribly. I lost everything I owned.. I live with a friend, etc.. I tried to get Medicaid and the women that I applied for it acutally wrote that she felt I was just a druggy.. I can't believe my luck.. Although I have long hair, I was a computer programmer and dressed neat, etc.. but once someone has made up their mind, it's over it seems! I miss hunting, fishing, playing music, etc, etc.. so much that life just seems to pass me by now.. Thanks everyone for the compassion! I needed that big time!
  14. HoosierTim

    HoosierTim New Member

    Hi, I did change the title.. sorry, I was too weak to read the rules.. My bad..
    God bless..
  15. HoosierTim

    HoosierTim New Member

    Hi, I don't know how to check out someone's profile? I clicked on your name, but only saw a list of postings you have answered?

  16. HoosierTim

    HoosierTim New Member


    Thanks for the Greenfield tip, but to be honest, it seems like if an ER doc see's me, they get a red flag as soon as I tell them I have Fibro and need pain meds. The last doc I said this too, said "You must be careful or you'll get addicted".. My thinking is that I don't care.. If that's what it takes to stop this terrible, mind numbing pain, WHO CARES! .. I don't have an addictive bone in my body though.. I used to punch people while playing heavy metal if they even tried to give me drugs. i've fought more than once over this, and yet I'm looked at like a junkie.. I only took the drugs that I did so I could FUNCTION. Now, I'm not worth anythihg.. I'm not funcition, can't pickup my kids, can't play music.. The love of my lfe, can't hunt, can't read, can't hardly sit here.. I mean, doesn't quality count?
  17. HoosierTim

    HoosierTim New Member

    They'd just come and get me and then say "See, we told you that you were depressed! hehe..

    Who wouldn't be in this type of pain! I don't get it.. It's not even logical!

    Thank you..
  18. Slayadragon

    Slayadragon New Member

    I absolutely believe that your pain is severe and real. I don't know enough about getting pain meds to even begin to give you thoughts on that, but at least you do have an appointment a little more than two weeks from now. That seems like an eternity, but it's at least you have that to look forward to. Perhaps if you contact the doctor's office you can even get in earlier, either by stressing that it's an emergency or getting a canceled appointment. (Providing that the doctor isn't on vacation, of course.)

    Obviously you should stay in touch with the people in this board, both for emotional support and to get ideas about how to get the help that you need (or to help yourself).

    I'm sort of wondering whether seeing some kind of a therapist might not be an okay idea, though. Having a debilitating illness is hard, especially when you have to deal with both the pain as well as the loss of much of what you previously found meaningful and enjoyable. Just being able to talk to someone about that might make you feel a bit better, just as you have said that exchanging a few e-mails with the folks here has made you feel better.

    In addition, I think it's conceivable that if a counselor worked with you for a while, s/he might be willing to support you in your efforts to convince others that your pain is real and that you are not "just" depressed and that you do not fit the profile of a drug abuser. This might at least give you a bit more credibility and get you headed down the right path.

    I would start by calling a number of counselors (either randomly or based on recommendations) and asking to have a brief telephone chat. I would be honest with them about your condition (that you are depressed because you have fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome that is keeping you from living the life that you want) and that you unfortunately have little money at present to pay for counseling even though you feel like you really need it. Hopefully if you talk to a number of people, you will find someone who a) is willing to see you for a nominal fee, b) seems to believe that you are really sick and that your depression is a _result_ of that, and c) seems based on that initial conversation to be someone you can relate to.

    (If you're too weak to do anything as well as in pain, I think it's reasonable to state that you have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome even if it hasn't been officially diagnosed. Since the CDC has declared firmly that CFS is a real and serious illness, bringing up that component of your problem may help you to be taken more seriously. This is especially true since it makes it clear that one of your goals--as you stated--is to have more energy to do things, not just to get pain pills.)

    I would imagine that it would take a number of calls before you found a therapist who met these criteria. And it's possible that you might discover that the person isn't right after one or more in-person meetings as well. But since it seems possible that such a person might be able to help you to be taken more seriously---and to give you some emotional support as a bonus---it could be worth pursuing.

    Or at least, if I were in your position, it's a route that I might pursue. Others who have more experience with fibro hopefully will chip in their opinions about whether or not this seems like a possibly useful strategy to them.

    Keep in touch with us, please.
  19. HoosierTim

    HoosierTim New Member

    I went to a counsler when I had to go to the local pain clinic.. They made me take pee tests, see a guy that was a P.hd I think.. He finally did believe me, but his answer was to "Think positively".. No offense to him or anyone, but I felt like he was being contrite! Like a cheap lawyer or something. I never got anything from it. To be quite honest, I felt like I was there to make sure the pain clinic knew I wasn't a druggy, and they did believe me, but they NEVER gave me the meds I needed to be ok.. I was always half treated it seems.. I don't ask for much I don't think.. although maybe it is too much to ask to be productive again? I just want to be able to pick up my beautiful 10 year old daughter and tell her I love her, and play with her, and be able to walk to the coffee house, and to play my guitar.. I have so many things I can do.. Computer work, etc.. Not this ill though.. I've not been told I have CFS, just Fibro.. I felt best when I was taking Klonipen and Methadone and Prosac as a combo.. But, when I tried to get the same combo, I was told that they didn't prescribe Klonipen again because some folks had been abusing it.. That's exactly what the pain doc told me! The methadone helps tremondously with the pain, but also kept me awake it seems.. I never get good spleep. I had a sleep study and the primary doc that I see at the clinic who thinks I'm a druggy even knows that I don't sleep well.. I just don't get it.. Then two weeks ago, my blood pressure was so high that I started having chest pains and I had 2 cardio grams that were bad.. They also told me that I have Pancreatitus.. because I have terrible stomach pain. The fibro is what makes me weak and makes my legs hurt, and makes my glands under my arms hurt and in my neck, etc.. It's been terrible.. The best I ever felt was after sleeping about three days one time when I was feeling so bad.. That was the first time they gave me Klonipen, and I told them I felt good, but that I slept a lot.. They said to cut back on the Klonipen half and I did, but then of course I was never able to get them to understand that it was better at the orginal dose which was like .1mg I think it was.. Now I only have my heart / blood pressure meds.. and I'm in terrible terrible pain.. I hate to say it, but I've literally thought about plotting my demise, because this is just too much to take.. As I sit here, I'm barely able to sit up, and my stomach hurts so much that I can barely take it.. It's like death by a thousand cuts! I don't mean to sound so profound, but the PAIN is mind numbing! Two weeks seems like an eternity! Life shouldn't be so damn Torturous.. I'm 45, I've done most things that I probably could have, and I feel like I'm just not willing to keep up this terrible pace.. I don't even know what keeps me from stopping now.. Thanks so much..
  20. HoosierTim

    HoosierTim New Member

    The ER folks are convinced that I'm a druggy.. They've basically told me that. They gave me somethign called " Toridol". I might as well drank water.. one of the other pro lems now is that my stomach is so messed up, so I don't even know if I can take certain meds.. I'm really messed up now.. That's another thing that's so depressing..