You are where you come from.

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by senecacassadaga, Apr 15, 2009.

  1. senecacassadaga

    senecacassadaga New Member

    Tonight I went to dinner with my best friend and one of her friends who will soon be her roommate. We all went to highschool together and I've always had a problem with the guy. He just is very snobbish and talks a lot about money, label clothing, etc.
    My friend and I have similar backgrounds with different stories but the same theme. I grew up with two parents who barelywork above minimum wage, three of us children and we've never had a lot. My friend grew up with a single mother. We got into a discussion and I was trying to explain to the guy that we just are very different we grew up in families with lots of sturggle, turmoil, parents who were always frustrated about money. As I was trying to describe all of this to him I really had to fight to keep my compusure.
    Since we left dinner I've been thinking so hard about my family and what they're like.
    We've never been very united, never been the family who crowds around the table and eats dinner together. There's been a lot more unhappiness in my family than happiness. I don't actually remember a lot of my childhood, most of my memories are just time spent with friends.
    I am so racked with pain right now and I don't know how to talk to someone about this.
    It's just I see what my life has been and I want so badly to move forward and be able to make myself a happy life but I feel so completely undeserving. I don't know how to get the idea out of my head that I don't deserve happiness, I guess because that's how I feel like my parents are. My dad on almost a weekly basis says "I hate my life".
    When I express affection to my parents the reaction has almost always been something along the lines of "what do you want?". There's no real affection from either one of them and because of this I have also had a lot of problems with being too giving of myself to men without them having earned my trust (I gave one boyfriend 100 dollars and let him borrow my car on several occaisons he ended up dumping me for an ex and never paying me back).
    I graduated school almost two years ago and although I want so badly to go to college and know I would love it I feel undeserving. I don't know how to shake this and I know that I will never have a happy life until I am able to tell myself that I do deserve love, happiness, education and a family of my own.
    Can anyone relate to this or maybe have some words to share?
  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    All this started after talking with a boring snob. By any chance, do you think his life was so great? If it was he wouldn't be that boring snob and would be a great guy to talk to. His life was probably Daddy and Mommy ignoring him, sending him to boarding school, and treating him like a bookend. So now he he acts out like a boring condescending snob. Tough guy to like.

    I agree with Rock and his thread. The effects of a dysfunctional family aren't going to disappear and they will always be dysfunctional. I also agree it's time to reach out for help as it is holding you back from life. Hugs.
  3. janice50

    janice50 New Member

    Actually there is a lesson here, you know what it was like growing up in that enviroment, strive to be a better person, don't follow in your parents footsteps, go to college and do all you can do to better yourself, when and if you decide to have children give them all the love you didn't have, encourage them to be all they can be, and take your own advice, be all YOU can be, that boy might not have it as good as he wants you to believe, that might be why he feels like he has to brag, maybe he is trying to convince himself, anyway good luck to you and keep going forward, and don't look back
  4. brandyjanus

    brandyjanus New Member

    Except my parents weren't together,but I had 2 step-parents that were just as bad. Living with my mom was like camping because we lived in an old Impala station wagon then moved up to a big van. It was very hard because I'm the oldest so I had 3 younger siblings to help care for.We would pan handle money for a motel room when it was cold, but my step-father never did anything,he made us kids do it. When we did get a room my brother and 2 sisters would sleep in the car because my step-father would throw us out.
    With my father was comfort but more abuse. My step-mom was an alcoholic and would beat me if she thought my dad was paying more attention to me then their 2 kids. He would get me on holidays and summers but I never stayed longer than a month because she would make him take me back to my moms.
    That was my reality until I got 2 jobs at 16 and an apartment. I took my youngest sister with me and cared for her until social services took the other kids and her also. I was 18 so they couldn't help me.they stayed there until they were 18. That was the best thing for them because they paid for them to go to college. My brothers a nurse, one sisters an insurance adjuster and the others in the army.
    My dad passed away a few years back and I haven't seen my step-mom since and my step-fathers in prison until 2017 for molesting my daughter. By the way that's why the kids were taken from my mom because he was molesting them. I talk to my mom everyday now, she's found god and is very sorry and I forgive her but nobody else has.
    I'm married now with 2 kids and a great husband, we both have great jobs and I'm happy now. I have a lot of anger and issues but I live my life to the fullest. I will never do those things to my kids and I give them everything they want,although my husband hates it!
    The first 20 years of my life was no life at all but the past 15 have been awesome. Just hang in there and remember that you can do anything you want. Don't let this ruin your life, give it your all and I hope everything is o.k for you.
  5. janice50

    janice50 New Member

    I applaude you for coming a long way in your life, you made it through times some people would have given up on, you are a very strong person, i hope you get everything life has to offer, you deserve it, you are an insperation to other people in this world, keep up the good work and keep moving forward