Tonight I went to dinner with my best friend and one of her friends who will soon be her roommate. We all went to highschool together and I've always had a problem with the guy. He just is very snobbish and talks a lot about money, label clothing, etc. My friend and I have similar backgrounds with different stories but the same theme. I grew up with two parents who barelywork above minimum wage, three of us children and we've never had a lot. My friend grew up with a single mother. We got into a discussion and I was trying to explain to the guy that we just are very different we grew up in families with lots of sturggle, turmoil, parents who were always frustrated about money. As I was trying to describe all of this to him I really had to fight to keep my compusure. Since we left dinner I've been thinking so hard about my family and what they're like. We've never been very united, never been the family who crowds around the table and eats dinner together. There's been a lot more unhappiness in my family than happiness. I don't actually remember a lot of my childhood, most of my memories are just time spent with friends. I am so racked with pain right now and I don't know how to talk to someone about this. It's just I see what my life has been and I want so badly to move forward and be able to make myself a happy life but I feel so completely undeserving. I don't know how to get the idea out of my head that I don't deserve happiness, I guess because that's how I feel like my parents are. My dad on almost a weekly basis says "I hate my life". When I express affection to my parents the reaction has almost always been something along the lines of "what do you want?". There's no real affection from either one of them and because of this I have also had a lot of problems with being too giving of myself to men without them having earned my trust (I gave one boyfriend 100 dollars and let him borrow my car on several occaisons he ended up dumping me for an ex and never paying me back). I graduated school almost two years ago and although I want so badly to go to college and know I would love it I feel undeserving. I don't know how to shake this and I know that I will never have a happy life until I am able to tell myself that I do deserve love, happiness, education and a family of my own. Can anyone relate to this or maybe have some words to share?