A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff". Happy hour is a nap. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information. You answer a question with "Because I said so!" You are proud of your lawn mower. You carry an umbrella in your car at all times. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers. You go from hoping for a BMW to hoping for a BM. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore. You hold all reading material at arms length just to read it. You keep repeating yourself. You keep repeating yourself. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time. You look forward to a dull evening. You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for a new car. You walk by a teen-ager with a boom box and you want to just smack him. Your childhood toys are now in a museum. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd. Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion. You don't care where your spouse goes, just so you don't have to go along. When you hear someone talk about "good grass" and you think they're referring to someone's lawn.