Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by earthdog2000, May 19, 2011.

  1. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Zen!

    How are you doing? I was on the msg board today and thought of you re: my post about bipolar advice. So........I thought I would post to you! Just thinking about the replies you gave me and how much they helped, I esp. like the link to DBSA and have read and referred to it on and off. My shrink loaned me a book to read on bipolar and it is about 2,000 pages at least,lol! He said, just give it back when I see you again in 2 weeks. I said, how about 2 months and he laughed!

    I'm hangin in there, just took the rest of the school year off from my job at school. Just knowing that I have 6 more weeks off to get my meds right and my mind/moods etc. under control makes me feel a lot better. I am to return to my job at the school on July 11, ( I work at a year-round school ) unless I decide to try and go on disability! Not sure yet, but am leaning that way. If we can make it financially, if my hubby's partner and him can make the big bucks on this mine that they are slated to open in June it should be okay!

    It's the fear of the unknown financially that will make my decision one way or the other because I have to have the medical insurance and benefits too. I have been so sick with the fibro and CFS that I feel like I'll never get better as long as I have to work, you know? Now with the new dx I feel even more unsure not just physically but mentally and emotionally that it will be very hard to go back to work!

    I've been feeling up and down of course but the meds are starting to sort of level me out even though I have been having panic attacks and am now having a REALLY hard time getting out of the house and off the computer! My dr. adjusted my meds some today so hopefully that helps! I am feeling a little agoraphobic since the breakdown and I know it's pretty normal but I have been trying to get out a bit more lately. Have you felt like that with your bipolar? I would love to hear more about you and more about your experiences with this new dx if you are comfortable with that!

    Thank you again for the birthday wishes! I had a really nice birthday and spent it with my hubby, went to dinner, he made me a cake and gave me some very thoughtful gifts! The next night my daughter gave me another party with family, dinner, more cake and more presents! Then my sister took me shoe shopping, I am a shoeaholic and so is she and bought me some really cute sandals, blue and purple, my fav color so that was really fun!

    Anywho, time for bed. Hope to hear from you soon and I hope that you're doing well! Reply back when you have time and I will too! Take care of you!

    Faith, Peace and Comfort, Julie
  2. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

  3. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

  4. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

  5. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    Great to hear from you, friend! Sorry I'm not on the board more often. My docs want me to exercise and not sit so much, which limit my computer time. Plus, my carpal tunnel really limits my time b/c my hand goes numb so quickly, but what can one do? :) Please know though that even if I'm not replying quickly, I'm thinking of you and hoping you are doing well. :)

    So glad the DBSA website is of a lot of help to you. The bipolar book sounds great too! My advice may sound repetitive, but it really is good advice for bipolar and fibro. :) Don't take on too much at once. I agree about how hard it is to work not only with fibro AND with bipolar. I had the illnesses diagnosed in the opposite order and was able to work at first full-time with bipolar, then part time as I got older and had some physical ailments (which I didn't realize were "pre-fibro" symptoms") and then as I got full-fledged fibro., it just really became impossible.

    I have good days and hours now and can be active running errands and doing chores, but I have NO IDEA when I will feel well (ie, super unpredictable), and I have way too many health issues to be accommodated at work (Can't imagine all the requests I'd have to make: gee, could you all dim the lights for me? Could you all turn your radios down? Could you not wear perfume? LOL! ) Assuming I slept well (and that's assuming a lot b/c it varies so much), I can feel relatively fine until I'm bombarded with too much external stimuli, which is of course all due to the fibro. Plus, with the I/C, I'm frequently using the restroom. It's rather nutso. So, IE, I REALLY understand about the work stuff. I got very creative about many of my health things for a long time, but after awhile, there were just TOO many health things to juggle and it was impossible. It was (and still is) disappointing, but I had to accept it. I know that many of us here experienced that, while many of us here still work and can still creatively juggle their health issues. We all just know the breaking point for ourselves and know our bodies.

    You will get a feel over time for what makes sense regarding work. You may just know that you can't, you may feel like you are able to go back, or you may just not be sure, in which you may just want to give it a try. Do what's best for you and in the meantime, I'm glad you have some time to not worry about it. I hope all goes very well with your husband's work situation too. :)

    I think your bipolar dx is of course obviously still new, so you are still getting a feel for what you can and can't do, plus you are getting used to medicine (both which take time to adjust to!) which is SO NORMAL. And yes, that probably includes a little agoraphobia as a component possibly. You are so wise to accept it and take baby steps with that too in terms of gently nudging yourself out some. You are taking a lot in with a new diagnosis and wondering what it all means. Panic attacks may be arising from that or other things too of course.

    I'm pretty sure I didn't have agoraphobia, and a doctor never mentioned that to me, although I had similar feelings. What I remember are times when meds didn't work for me and not feeling stabilized at all. I had to go through many meds before finding ones that worked well. During those challenging times, I didn't want to be around people much b/c I felt embarrassed. It's not that I was AFRAID to be out of the house, but I didn't want people to see me in a state of not "being me". I wasn't exactly eager to go to social gatherings (errands were no biggie b/c I didn't have to chit chat with people). I did force myself to go do these things, but it was truly more forced. I do remember feeling like I was almost faking cheerfulness. Close friends noticed but understood. (Who knows what others thought?)

    Be sure to take a break from it all (including thinking about bipolar, your future, etc) and do things that make you feel calm too to counterbalance all of these things. Things that can be calming might be soothing music, journaling, going for a walk, meditating, praying, etc. You don't have to figure everything out all at once---baby steps, or on really tough days, no steps at all, just Julie-time; you deserve it!! Carve out some "Julie-time" every day where you don't worry, plan or think about something and do something YOU enjoy. I still have to remind myself to have "Erika-time". :) Try to take each day as it comes (I know that's so much easier said than done sometimes; I can be great at giving out good advice, but not taking my own :)).

    Glad your birthday was so wonderful. Two birthday parties; you deserve it! The sandals sound gorgeous. I love shoes too. I like Birkis and Birkenstocks. They're a little geeky looking, but my feet feel so comfy in them!

    Take care of you and feel good.

    Gentle hugs,

  6. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hey you,

    I was so happy to get your email, it made me cry, it made me laugh and it made me feel better too! You are a very sweet and caring person to give me such encouragement and help. When I first started reading your reply it made me cry a little cause I felt so greatful to have someone care enough to send me such a nice long email like you did. Then you made me laugh when you were talking about working and asking ppl to turn down the lights, not wear perfume, etc. I feel exactly the same way! I can't stand stong smells either like perfume, incense, and esp. body odor! My family thinks I'm a bloodhound,lol! Also bright
    lights and too much stimulii from others except when I'm on the phone,lol! The phone is my friend these days because I really feel like talking ( a lot ) sometimes and am lucky to have friends and family who understand now why I get so talkative!

    I'm trying not to take on too much like you said but know that until I get the rest of my paperwork in for my leave of absence I will feel a little more stressed. That's why I'm doing that today and tying up other loose ends as well. I have to finish paying bills per phone and sending out checks for bills etc. Boring stuff that I seem to put off until the last possible minute! I have become a really bad procrastinator and am working on that in baby steps as you said. It's the only way I can get anything done lately, you know? I am truly fortunate to have a husband who is so suppotive and just lets me be me and do things the only way I can, slowly! He has taken over most of the housework, cooking, gardening and shopping! I made him a cake last nite to show him how much I appreciate him and #1 he could'nt believe I did it and #2 he did'nt eat any last night but I had a BIG piece,lol!

    I appreciate you sending such a long reply esp. with your carpal tunnel! Do you have it in both hands or wrists? I have mild carpal tunnel in my left wrist so I can just imagine how hard it is and I am pretty shaky until my meds kick in! Don't ever feel bad for not responding right away, I understand and just want you to take care of yourself first and foremost. I'm sorry about all of your DD's, there are so many and I have a ton too! The amazing thing is that we have so much in common, I feel like I've know you for awhile and we have never even met! I too am a Birkenstock freak and have about 12 pairs! The problem I have is that since the original owners sold out, the new owners changed the footbed and I cannot wear most of them! So, I have a few pairs of the new ones and the rest of them are old but in pretty good shape because I wear them on and off and have about 12 pairs! The other brands I wear are mostly Teva, Born, Simple and Minnetokas. My hubby says I need a whole closet just to fit my shoes, I wish! He is a shoeaholic too so he understands,lol!

    I'm kind of an old hippie like my hubby and our kids get a good laugh out of it! My older daughter and her hubby are what they call "new age bohemians" and have dreds and so does my grandson! I wish he did'nt have them, I can't even put my fingers thru his beautiful hair! Thank God that he is so freakin cute anyways! My daughter said that he can decide when he is 7 if he wants the dreds or not. I'm afraid that when he starts kindergarten in August the kids will make fun of him then maybe if he wants to get rid of the dreds she will let him! Yes, my daughter and her hubby are pretty controlling and stubborn ppl but Zeke is still an awesome kid in every way!! I think it's because he spends so much time with all of his graandparents and other relatives and friends that he has turned out so well, esp. cause of me and my husband of course,hehehe!

    Sorry if I'm rambling I just get this way when my meds kick in these days. I'm sure you understand! I am trying to eat, get enough sleep and am going to start exercising tomorrow when I go swimming at my sisters house. She has a lap pool and a hot tub so it's pretty cool, they can open theirs now and our pool will probably be ready next weekend, I hope! Our pool is an above ground pool with a solor heater which helps but it still takes a few days or so to get warm enough to swim in. I love it, I try to swim every day and enjoy my sanctuary in the garden by the pool. We have a ton of flowers, nic nacs , chimes and yard animals, mostly frogs, I love frogs! What do you like to do in the summer?

    I need to eat something in a few minutes or I get sick, I have lost 20 lbs. in the last 2 and a half months. Hopefully I can keep it off but if I don't stop eating so much cake I will gain it back!! I need to lose another 15 lbs. to reach my goal weight but thru exercise and a healthy diet,right? Thank God my hubby always cooks a heathy meal for dinner and makes me eat a good size portion because during the day I don't eat much at all. I am truly taking baby steps like you suggested and it makes everything so much easier AND I am feeling better every day on the meds! I still don't know if I will go back to work or go on disability, it depends on finances and how I feel. at least I have a lot of time to figure it out!

    It's funny that you mentioned meditating, praying, journaling and listening to music because those are the things I do to ease my soul and to feel calm. I usually do that at night before I go to bed, ME time!! I am also going to therapy once or twice a week and that really helps. It still cracks me up that my shrink lent me that huge book to read, I have just been reading pages here and there to get answers to my questions and to understand more about bipolar. Sorry this is a short novel but I am feeling a little manic today and then I usually calm down about 1 or 2. I guess that's to be expected so I'm just going with the flow.

    I would love to hear more about you and I will try harder to stay on topic and recent subjects next time, I promise! Thanks again for all of the great advice, info and understanding! You have a truly lovely soul!

    Hope to hear from you when you feel up to it.
    Many soft hugs, Julie ;-)
  7. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    How are you? Been a tough week....tummy bug and it's being aggravated with IBS. I apologize, I have to be brief b/c I'm not feeling so good still and need to rest. I'm sure it will all pass eventually right? :) I live in TX and it's just been SO HOT here. Highs of almost 100 degrees really early into the season and it will be this way for several months (and it will get even hotter---not fun). This is my most challenging time of year b/c I'm not very heat tolerant, but I will get through it.

    How is everything? Still thinking of you even though I haven't had a chance to post. Hope things are going well and that the meds are starting to work. If not, no worries, it can take time. Tell your doc if you have any problems with side effects or anything. You are doing such a great job staying proactive, and I'm so proud of you! Just keep doing what you are doing. So glad you give yourself "ME" time before bed. That's awesome! That probably helps with sleep too. So proud of your weight loss too!

    Sometimes I procrastinate doing boring things too! (I hate being bored. :)) What I try to do to counteract that is after eating breakfast, I try to attack some of the boring things so that they're out of the way, and then I feel really happy that I made myself do it. It can set a good tone for the rest of the day b/c then the boring stuff is done.

    Have to go rest for now. Love that you are a Birkenstock fan too. They shouldn't have changed the footbed though. Why mess with perfection?

    Feel good and talk to you soon.

    Soft hugs,

  8. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    I was pleasantly surprised by your reply and very glad to hear from you! I just knew that you were not doing well or that you had been sick or in a flare! Well, guess what? I too have had some kind of "virus" and have felt sick for almost a week! It started out with a migraine, then nausea, then I felt soooooo tired and even "down in the dumps". It felt pretty awful since I was starting to get used to feeling better physically, mentally and emotionally, you know?

    I'm so sorry that you have been sick and hope you feel better very soon. I also have IBS and it is awful!! Luckily it hasn't bothered me much this last week. Wow, I can't believe how hot it is in Texas, it's only been in the 50's to 60's here for the past month! I am so tired of it, usually we have our pool up and ready and I'm out there swimming every day. Oh, I am sooooo ready for some nice warm weather!! Poor you with the hot tempuratures, I'm sure it has made your tummy bug feel even worse!

    Well, I'll post back when I am feeling better too. Take care of yourself, drink lots and lots of fluids and get a lot of rest!
    Talk to you soon, Julie :)
  9. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    Oh no! Sorry you are sick too. Migraines and nausea, no fun at all. I hope you are feeling MUCH BETTER. Sorry you have IBS too. Mine is usually under control too, but once in awhile I'm reminded it's still there. It seems to get aggravated occasionally after we go out to eat.

    Yes, the extreme heat tends to aggravate things....I'd be thrilled with 50s and 60s. :) We'll probably have that in November. That's just how it goes though. A pool, how fun! I hope you get some warm weather soon. I'd happily send you 25 of our degrees if I could. :)

    Yes, hydration is key. Try to hang in there and feel better my friend! My mood can drop a little when I take a down-turn; I think that's normal for most people. It's hard to feel happy all the time when we don't feel well. I try to distract myself with reading, music, podcasts and such as much as I can. I enjoy those things a lot, but I'm also really extraverted, so after a few days, I can get cabin fever.

    No rush to post; I totally understand. I get light sensitivity, fibro-fog and the carpal tunnel can act up, so sometimes I have to back off the computer for a bit. Just don't want you to take it personally.

    Thinking of you and wishing you well sweet friend. Hoping you feel much better each day!

    Take care and talk to you soon, Erika :)
  10. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hey you,

    Thanks for replying back so fast esp. when you are not feeling well! I hope that today brings you the best and that you are feeling much better! I am actually feeling better today, been up for about an hour so I can usually tell by then how I'm going to feel for the day. My headache is almost gone, no more nausea and I slept pretty good last night!

    Yes, I wish you could give me 25 degrees so we could get our pool open, thanks for offering,lol! I plan on just taking it easy today though, hubby is at work until 6 so I have the whole day to myself! I think I will watch a movie or two that I recorded, read a little and maybe even take a bubble bath! I hope that you are having a better day and you are able to do the same!

    Like I said before don't worry if you can't reply back right away, I totally understand. It must be really hard to type much on the computer with the carpal tunnel, I am very lucky that mine is only mild in my left wrist. I tend to hurt more on the left side anyways because of the surgery on my left shoulder and the 2 disectomies and bone spur removal on my neck. They have left me with bad bursitis on my shoulder and I can only turn my neck about halfway to the left of what is normal. The good thing is that I have been getting cortizone shots in my left shoulder about every 4-5 months and that really seems to help.

    As for my shoulder and neck I do light stretches and am going to start doing yoga again with my friend this week, I am finally feeling better fibropain wise and we both really need to tone up plus I LOVE yoga! Didn't you say that you are into some form of Tae Kwon Do ( wrong spelling I know ). I also do lots of stretches and a form of light aeorobics in the pool then I just float around on my favorite pool lounger and chill! After I exercise and chill in the pool I love to read and relax in my sanctuary, my little garden by the pool.

    Thanks for making me feel better about the highs and lows, it makes me realize that you are right, lots of ppl get that way when they are sick....... I forget sometimes since my bipolar dx that I am not abnormal but I'm just not always on an even keel,right? You are always so sweet and caring every time you write to me and I appreciate that so much! I am a very nurturing sort myself with my 4 kids, grandson, family and friends. I have also found others here who just want to help and to me that is so very kind and giving, the way it should be. I hope that I make you feel better when i write to you. I really look forward to your replies and think of you too!

    Tell me more about you and your life and I will share with you, (if you want to) of course! I think of Texas as a very warm and beautiful state, what is it like there? Even though I live in the desert in Nevada there are so many beautiful places to go, see and explore. Lake Tahoe is only about an hour and 15 minutes from where we live and we try to go there at least 2-3 times in the summer. To me, it is one of the most gorgeous lakes in the US. We also have a timeshare in Genoa NV. and are going to spend a weekend there in July, can't wait! It's called Walley's Hot Springs, you can look it up on the internet and read all about it, it would take me another 2 paragraphs at least to tell you all about it but its soooooooo beautiful and peaceful there with the hot spring pools and regular pool!

    I didn't mean to turn this into a short novel and just remembered that you may not read this for a while but felt like "talking", lol! I would also like to hear about your experiences with your DD's. Hope it's getting cooler there and you're feeling better.
    Take care sweet friend, Very gentle hugs, Julie ;-)
    P.S. It took me about 2 hours to write this because I ate breakfast, talked to a friend and read my emails in between, lol!

    [This Message was Edited on 06/04/2011]
  11. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

  12. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

  13. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    How are you? Hope this day finds you well.

    I did the dumb thing and overdid it a few days ago and am paying for it like crazy now. Grrr to me. :) I love gardening, and I found out that I have a beautiful shrub (called a photinea---funky name isn't it) that has a fungus. Apparently they're prone to it. The earlier one cuts off the leaves with the fungus, the better it has a chance of surviving. My hubby was already at work, so I started cutting away and then I went to Lowes to get an anti-fungal spray and THEN to Wal-Mart with a monster list, all in very hot weather. Came home and did a few more chores (I know, not smart) and then gee, got a huge flare. (I know, what a shock. ;)) So, my advice can be a slight "do as I say, not as I do"! I sometimes I just feel compelled to get some things done. I am challenged between having a big to-do list hanging over me and pacing myself sometimes. I don't usually overdo it this much though! Epsom salt baths are my best friend right now. ;) Do you ever use those?

    That is my mini-version of your Hot Springs. Wow, that sounds DIVINE! I bet that does wonders for your bone spur and disectomies, or if nothing else, the scenery would be uplifting. Epsom salt baths help me with pain sometimes. Maybe that could be helpful for your bursitis.

    Yes, remember with the bipolar, you are so not alone! Many have it, many have depression (which isn't that radically different) and sometimes "normal" people aren't having a good day or are dealing with some kind of stress. In other words, we aren't really that different from other people at all. Most people have "something" that makes them feel different from others, and usually people just want to feel included with others. That helps me feel a lot more normal if I'm not having a good day.

    Also, I try to break things down into "moments". I'm not feeling good physically or psychologically "at this moment", but at another moment, this will change and get better." This has helped with the fibro a lot too. I used to think if I woke up feeling bad, I thought the whole day would be bad. That's helped me be able to get out in the afternoon sometimes. It doesn't work all the time, but sometimes it does.

    With the bipolar, reminding myself that most people (even those without a bipolar diagnosis) are not always perfectly even keel (I have yet to meet someone who is), I feel much better being out and about. I like to be out and about anyway when I can. Unless I feel physically lousy (in which case I should probably be home), I try to smile a lot and be friendly to people. Sometimes doing that helps me feel a little physically better also. Hope that helps and makes sense.

    You are right about Texas---it's usually warm, hot, or extremely hot! We will be having highs of 98 to 103 ish for four months now, so this time of year is something I kind of try to "tolerate" and "get through". The rest of the time I enjoy it here. We do occasionally get some coolish and even cold snaps. We once in awhile will get snow or ice pellets, but it will melt quickly. It's mostly very pretty here, but sadly right now, we're experiencing a very severe drought, so our lawns look terrible. I've been to Las Vegas---my grandparents retired there, so we visited them there many times before they passed on. That was loads of fun!

    Feel good and talk to you soon my friend.

    Soft hugs, Erika
  14. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hey girl!
    I did'nt get your reply in my email when you sent it! I just happened to be getting ready to bump up this post and saw that you had written to me! There was a post about other ppl. having issues with not getting replies too so I guess that's what happened, oh well here I am. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to reply simutaneously? It would almost be like talking,lol! I was thinking about you today too, ESP, seriously and then you replied, weird huh? It's always so nice to hear from you because you are so sweet and caring!

    Boy, it sounds like you really overdid it, don't you know better? HELLO! Just kidding, I do the same thing esp. when I really need or want to be out of the house. I'm sorry that you're in pain and suffering now though. Hopefully it won't last long, just take extra good care of yourself okay? The epson salt baths sound really good right now and I have'nt had one in a long, long time. My back and legs have been really hurting for the last few days so maybe I'll try that! Yes, Walley's is a very beautiful and relaxing place to go. You should look it up on the internet just for fun. We probably won't be going for awhile now that the weather is finally getting warm and will continue to just get hotter through August. I feel so bad for you that you have to be in a flare when it is soooooo hot there. I don't know how you can take it, I don't do well in extreme heat. I always have my swamp coolers going and my a/c on when I'm in the car. I know, I'm a wimp.lol!

    Thanks for reminding me that I am not alone in this bipolar world we're living in and telling me that I am "normal". It's really hard to feel that way sometimes esp. since I have'nt been dealing with this new dx for very long. The meds are still working pretty well but I think they need a little "tweaking" so I will talk to my dr. about it next Mon. He had to cancel on me this week due to an emergency. At least I did'nt fall apart or have a major panic attack over it. I just took it in stride and knowing that I am OKAY really helps! I do the same thing you do, I try to always be nice and smile at everyone esp. with my family I try to always be kind and caring. When you have grown up children you have to be because they still need a lot of advice, help and guidance. My grandson makes me smile and laugh and is the light of my life and does'nt even notice there is anything different with me, he's 5 years old and a blast!

    Oh BTW, I live in Reno, NV. so it's not near as hot as Las Vegas, Thank God and we get a lot of snow here in the wintertime. I really love living here because my whole family and most of my hubby's family live here too! I can't wait to go swimming in my pool hopefully on Sunday. It's finally been warm enough and not windy for the past few days so my husband got it all set up and now we just need to wait until the water is warm enough! Oh, I've got some new news! My husband and I just decided that I should definetly go on disability yesterday though we have been talking about it for a few weeks. I made some phone calls and the paperwork will be coming in the mail in a week or two so I need to gather all of my medical info and drs. notes (which will not be a problem) to be ready when it gets here. It's a lot of paperwork and phone calls but my drs. both say that with the new bipolar dx I will definetly qualify. The only problem is that it takes about 3 months for the whole process so the financial part is going to be hard. My husband and I figured that if he can get a part-time job and we can get a little help from our family it should be fine. I never realized how much my not having an income would affect us because I never thought I would get to this point at my age. Finally, I have a chance at getting well and having a good life with my family and friends, hurrah!

    Well after writing a short novel I guess I better say goodbye. I hope you feel better tmo, email me back when you feel up to it!

    Take care, sweet friend,

    Faith and fast healing to you, Julie
  15. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    How are you? Thank you for your sweet note. You are always so kind and caring too. I just laughed at your HELLO! because really, you are spot on with that. I KNOW!, shame on me :), and yet, I know you understand that sometimes, once in awhile we want to feel normal and just do some stuff. You totally get it because you experience the same thing every so often too.

    Yes, it's definitely rare, and I knew I was going to pay for it. Honestly, I didn't think I was going to pay for it that much, or I would have backed off some of the stuff. My own darn fault for sure; yes, I should have known better too. ;) Thank you so much for your well wishes. It makes me feel good. I'm already feeling better today and am going to get a mammogram this afternoon and will be happy to get that over with. I'm taking your excellent advice: I'm definitely going to take it easy this weekend, and I haven't been doing much today either.

    So sorry your back and legs have been hurting. Definitely try the Epsom salt bath. I learned the tip from others here, and it helps me out; hopefully you'll like it too. A few little tips even though you probably know this: make sure the water is warm, but not too hot and always keep some water to drink next to your bath so you don't dehydrate. You don't want to risk feeling faint. :)

    As for living in "bipolar world", I totally understand it's hard to feel normal sometimes. Just remember what I've read here many times: "normal" is just a washing machine setting! No one walking on the planet is really normal. Sometimes people just hide their problems better than others too. Give yourself time to adjust to the diagnosis. Don't push yourself to be on any schedule. You are a giving, wonderful person. As much as I said that I'm cheery when I'm out, I do that most of the time b/c I usually feel better when I do that. What I mean too is that people don't notice other people's mood states all the time either b/c a lot of time people can get wrapped up in their own feelings and problems in our stressful society.

    You may have yourself under a microscope b/c you're trying to figure out your diagnosis (super normal), but most other people ARE NOT putting you under that same microscope, so hopefully you won't feel self-conscious about being out and about. Hope I'm making sense and am not confusing. :) Also, like everyone else, you are human and NO ONE feels good all the time, bipolar or not. You don't have to be perfect. As my grandma would say (she was pretty funny sometimes), "most people worry about themselves". That takes pressure off you. Hope this helps my friend.

    Have to run for now and get ready for my exciting mammogram (ick!) :) Will talk to you more later about the rest of your sweet note. SO HAPPY about you being able to go on disability. I think it will be worth it in long run. More later, sweet friend. Sorry to cut short.

    Talk to you soon and feel good!


    [This Message was Edited on 06/10/2011]
  16. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Erika,
    Wow, I did'nt expect to hear from you so soon! I swear we are both a little psychic! Or is it psycho? Just kidding but I was just sitting here reading my emails when your's popped up! I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better today but sorry you have to go have an exciting mammogram, yuck! I'm getting mine next month and can't wait!

    Well, just a quick one for now, I know very unusual for me but I will write later and reply to your reply better, What? I have to do a lot of fun things around the house early so I can get out of here and have some fun! Thanks for your beautiful email, you always make me feel better,

    TTYL, Love, Julie
  17. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    I'm eating and reading your email, Miss Psycho/Psychic! HA HA! Please, get my mammogram for me and I'll clean your house. Don't make me go! LOL I edited a teeny bit of my email so that it will hopefully make more sense. Have fun later today!

    Love, Erika
  18. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    This is so funny, it's the 1st time I have ever read and replied back and forth like this, it's fun! I was just finishing up reading my emails and getting ready to get something to eat and take my vitamins! I hope your mammogram isn't too bad, at least their pretty fast! Maybe I will "talk" to you later, hope so!

    Have a great day, Julie
  19. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Zen!
    Wow! The last few days have been busy but I really wanted to send you a reply to let you know I'm thinking of you. It's nice to know you're there and that you care and I'm aware that you are rare! Just had to start out with a little rhymn for you, lol! Feeling kinda loopy, so tired from doing too much the last couple of days. Yes, I did the same thing as you and overdid it! HELLO to somebody with a brain cell! I thought that since I was feeling better I would take advantage of it and spend some good quality time with family and friends. I even got to spend some time with my sweet little grandson Zeke yesterday! I took him to my nephew's kindergarden graduation party at my sis-in-law's karate studio and we all had a blast!

    Denise had a bounce house and a clown who made balloon karate belts and swords for the boy's and they all went cukoo crazy and ran around sword fighting for like an hour! She also had a pinata with loads of candy then pizza and red velvet cake and finally the party ended with a bunch of wired yet tired little boy's! We had so much fun and I'm going over to my daughter's house this week to swim and play Star War's Lego Land on the wii. Zeke and I started collecting Star War's character's and spaceships about 6 month's ago so we have quite a collection. I have to bring all of his Star War's stuff even if we just go to the park,hahaha! I don't know if you read one of my earlier posts re: my daughter and SIL and grandson and the situation with my SIL and hubby fighting about 3 month's ago or not but right after that was when I had the "breakdown".

    I will tell you again in another reply if you want to hear about it, the story is long and complicated but resulted in a really bad situation with my hubby and them(my SIL and daughter)
    I am only able to see my grandson if I take him somewhere or I go over there or when my daughter comes over here. Zeke is not "allowed" per my SIL to come over here unless Amber brings him and he has not spent the night with us in about 3 months. It's all a bunch of crap because my SIL is extremely verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive to my daughter and she stays with him!!! There is nothing we can do unless he hits her and she calls us or the police and we are very fearful that is going to happen. He has her so brainwashed that she is afraid to leave him and thinks she loves him, it's all so very sad.......

    Sorry , but it's been on my mind a lot lately esp. since my meds are starting to make me go down and feel somewhat depressed. I see my psych tomorrow, Thank God I am so looking forward to getting my meds adjusted. I'm sorry to sound so depressing and boring. Usually I can stay pretty positive but somehow tonite I feel pretty down. It's weird because I was really up yesterday and today for the most part. I know I need to realize that it's probably just from overdoing it. Now my hubby is kind of upset with me because I have not been "in the mood" lately if you know what I mean and then he says to me tonite, I'll just sleep in Zeke's roon so you can get some good sleep. Very sweet of him but it makes me feel bad because I don't mean to hurt his feelings because he has been so supportive through all of my ups and downs. I told him I would make it up to him tomorrow after my drs. appt. and we would have a nice dinner and watch a movie, etc. if he wanted to.

    Okay, that was way too much about me, sorry! How did the mammograam go, was it as icky as expected? Are you feeling better after overdoing it last week? I hope you're doing alright and feeling well and rested. It's amazing to me how one day we're up and the next day we're down, you know? It's something I personally have never adjusted to since first getting dx'd with fibro and CFS 12 years ago. My life changed so much back then and now I have to try and stay positive with the bipolar too, whew, it's a lot of work, right? I know you understand and I really appreciate that I can vent like this and know that you care and can share with me as well. How long did it take you to get to feeling pretty "leveled out" after being dx'd with the bipolar?

    Thank you for all of your advice about living in the "bipolar world", like you said other people don't really notice it so much but we do because we are just always worried about ourselves. That is so true.....

    Did'nt mean to make this a short novel but I'm feeling kinda off kilter tonite. I'm gonna try to go to bed earlier tonite and get some extra sleep. I know I really need it right now esp. with the busy week I'm going to have. I have to work on the disability issues, phone calls, paperwork, etc. Take good care of you and please write about you next time so I can give back what you have given me,okay?

    Sweet dreams and I hope you're doing well, Hugs, Julie
  20. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    Always so good to hear from you , but just remember if you are overwhelmed don't feel like you have to write immediately; I really understand. Things can get very busy and it can take time to write. Illness can take a lot out of us sometimes. I know you're thinking of me, and I'm of course thinking of you and wishing you well too. Even when I don't get a chance to write, know that I'm always here and I think you are a dear! (My really bad rhyme; I do it every time!) I love rhyming too. I get that from my dad. I used to substitute teach after I had to stop working full time, and the kids would sometimes rap and rhyme between classes, and I would surprise them and join in sometimes. Too funny!

    I've got an unexpected big to-do list with things I don't enjoy doing, so it's driving me a bit nutso! The mammogram went well, thanks for asking! It hurt a bit during the procedure, but afterwards, no pain....yay!

    I so understand that you want to stabilize with your bipolar. As a wonderful doctor told me once, "Let us do the worrying for you". I thought that was so nice. I know, easier said than done, but he made a good point, which was that worrying doesn't help. I know it's so challenging to have fibro and CFS and then to have bipolar on top of it. Each by themselves are PLENTY!

    My psychiatrist told me that bipolar can be a moving target and stabilizing is very individualized, much like fibro and CFS. I don't remember exactly how long it took me, but I do remember it took at least a year or maybe even longer. I had a big challenge with meds and their side effects, but PLEASE don't let that deter you at all. Everyone is so very different in how they respond.

    So very glad you're seeing your doctor tomorrow b/c if your meds are making you feel worse, that's definitely not the one for you (obviously). Meds can be hit or miss. It can take a bit of patience in the beginning to find the right one for you. I remember that. Try to hang in there; your doctor wants to help. He will give you a new med that he thinks has the best chance of working for you. If it doesn't he will try something else. It's just how it goes and is a normal part of the process.

    Also, try too not to feel guilty that you can't "be there" for your husband exactly when he wants you to. I know, it can be easier said than done. From experience, guilt can compound on itself and bring you both down as a couple, which you want to try to avoid. I know, that can be easier said than done too. Just do the best you can and remember you still have so much to offer. :)

    Remember, you didn't ask to have bipolar or fibro. I remind my hubby of that when he gets frustrated with me. He's mostly very supportive, but he's also human and has his moments. Remember too that there are times he probably hasn't felt well and he hasn't been able to be intimate with you either. It works both ways, so remember that also. He's adjusting to your diagnosis also. It's an ongoing process for both of you; it's normal for both of you to get angry and frustrated sometimes. It sounds like he's being very supportive so far, which is good.

    I also wanted to remind you to try journaling if you aren't already. I'm always amazed at what comes out when I journal. Just write whatever is "on the top of your head" so to speak. As in don't monitor your thoughts at all. And just write and write and write! I just did that this morning and feel so much better. It's wonderful self-therapy and for me, sometimes the insights I've had have been better than times I've gone to a psychologist. Sometimes negative thoughts linger just below the surface of our consciousness and drag us down without us realizing it. It can be really helpful. The journaling for me has been a great addition to helping me stabilize my mood.

    Glad you are spending some time with your family. My hubby would love Zeke's Star Wars collection. He's a Star Wars and Star Trek geek (yikes!).

    Gotta run for now and attack some stuff on my list. Feel good and hope your psych. visit goes really well. Hugs, Erika

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