Zingers

Discussion in 'Homebound/Bedbound' started by dmcduck, Jan 23, 2018.

  1. dmcduck

    dmcduck Well-Known Member

    Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
    A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
    Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
    A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
    Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
    Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
    A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
    Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
    Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
    Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
    A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
    A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
    Without geometry, life is pointless.
    A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
    When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
    What's the definition of a will? Come on, it's a dead giveaway!
    A backwards poet writes inverse.
    A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
    If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
    With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
    When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
    The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
    A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
    A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
    The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium-at-large.
    Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
    Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
    When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
    Acupuncture is a jab well done.
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  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Hi Duckie

    Thank you for the stimulating collection. I used to play bridge with a guy who collected lots
    of stuff including bound volumes of old newspaper cartoons, Saturday afternoon movie serials
    for kids, and kitchen clocks from long ago. They were generally housed in an unpainted
    wooden case and about a foot high. He said he had to give up this particular hobby though.
    It was getting too hard to find new clocks, and traveling around looking for them was getting
    too time consuming.

    (Note: this is all true. I can't find any pics, 'cause when one searches for "kitchen clocks" one
    gets everything from hour glasses to art deco . I guess the sellers believe that any clock can
    be put in a kitchen.) Well, probably not Big Ben.

    And here's a collector's anecdote that Sun might like. A painter visited the gallery where
    his work was displayed. The owner told him only yesterday a buyer stopped in and asked
    about your work. "He wondered if their value would go up when the painter died. I told him,
    'Well, it generally does.' And then he bought all 6 of your paintings. Of course I told him
    a good deal about you. And then he said the strangest thing: Oh, yes I know. I'm his doctor."

    Hugs
    Rock

    Attached Files:

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  3. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    Just found this Rock

    Uh oh! I'll keep that in mind. LOL
    rockgor likes this.