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Caught without knowing

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I have been my mother's caregiver since I was 11 years old. A full 2/3 of my life. My mother is a Manic/Depressant Bi-polar with Fibromyalgia. She also has Dementia due to several mini-strokes.

Two years ago she asked for help to get into an assisted living facility as a means of getting away from an abusive husband. A man she met and married while he was serving time for murder.(Before she got on meds) I helped her interview places until she found a place that she liked. She had no problem with being approved since her doctors had on more than one occassion voiced concerns for her living conditions.

Long story short, a restraining order was broken and my mother was sent into a psycotic break and her doctor asked for me to seek guardianship since I was already both Medical and General power of attorney. I didn't get it since her husband petitioned for it instead. He couldn't be the guardian(thankfully since he is a convicted felon) but requested that his cousin be granted it instead. When I was told this I said I would prefer the state take it than give it to his family who would not look out for her interests. Since then, the restraining order was lifted and my mother's husband has convinced my mother that she never wanted to leave home in the first place and that I kidnapped her away from home. The social workers and the staff of the facility that she was living at know that this isn't true since they knew her before the break.

But now she has requested(because her husband asked her too) to move to a different facility. This one is known as being one of the WORST ones in the county. One that she had always said that she never wanted to go to. It is a BIG step DOWN from where she had been at. Now my mother refuses to talk to me and I am so out of the loop. I am not used to this since all of my life I have been the one to watch my mother, her meds, get her to her dr. appts. and make sure that everything was taken care of.

I have not been able to see my mother since Mother's Day. I went and spent 2 hrs with her in which she never looked at me despite encouragements from the staff to try to engage her. It is so hard to know that the last thing that I have heard from my mother is that she hates me. She refuses to see or speak to me. I went to her new place that she has been at for about a month for Christmas and was appalled at the differences. No security at all. I was able to just walk in and wander around until I found her room to leave her presents on her unmade bed(After lunch time) with out a single person asking me if I belonged there.

I know that there is very little I can do now that I am no longer a POA or Guardian but sometimes I just feel like I should DO something.


I wish I had some sage advice for you but I don't know what I'd do in your situation. Have you called the elder abuse hotline? I'm sure with all the legalities that this has been done but they might be able to help.

I'm sure you realize that this isn't really your mother speaking when she says horrible things to you but I'm also sure it makes you feel very alone and feeling helpless.

My prayers go out to you.

Love, Mikie