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Dealing with husband

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nanny34

New Member
I'm looking for some guidance for helping my husband with his dementia. He has always had to be in control, and I need advise on how to handle him? He knows he has been diagnosed with dementia, but still thinks he can do everything. He can no longer figure out how to fix things around the house that he always did. He refuses to take suggestions or help from me and refuses to have anyone else help. He takes all his frustrations out on me and, of course, it's always my fault someway. For instance, all summer he has been trying to fix the roof on our patio and all he's done is make a big mess and buy things he thinks he needs for it (which we can't afford). I've been told not to worry about it and let it go, but it looks bad for our neighbors, etc. He gets very restless and takes off to Lowes almost daily and I find he's buying things like another powerdriver when he already has several. If I say anything he instantly starts yelling and I'm afraid he'll get physical. If I'm able to walk away he calms down in a short time.
 

mariellenl

New Member
YOu are in a tough situation. First let me say TO HELL with what the neighbors think! You have enough to worry about without worrying about the neighbors. As far as the buying trips go, if you can get the receipts I would quietly slip the new items back in their box and place the ones you already have in the spot where your husband will find them and then return them as soon as I could. It sounds like you have to do two things, stay out of his way and get sneaky to keep him from spending money you don't have. How is he paying for this stuff? Cancel his credit cards! The only other thing you could do would be to get him on medication to make him easier to get along with. It sounds like he knows he is losing control and he is fighting it tooth and nail.
Good luck!
Mariellen
 

Norbert

New Member
I think I would hire someone to fix the roof and find a reason to get him away from the house for the day. Perhaps a two day trip somewhere.

Norbert
 

louojae

New Member
I dealt with the same kinds of things with my husband - I know exactly what you are talking about. You know it's frustrating for your husband to not be able to do the things he was able to do before - but you don't want to have the house all torn up either! I don't have any answers for you - except to take it day by day with patience and put it in God's hands. Your husband will get to a point where he will have to stop "fixing things" because it will be too hard for him to get from step 1 to even step 2. Sad - it's heart breaking to watch him go through this, but great for you when this happens--
 

jim1940

New Member
My wife is having trouble getting her thoughts together and coping with her normal household routines she has done all of her life. She has great difficulty getting organized to clean the bathrooms for example, sometime it takes her several days to get part of the way through the process. I usually have to take it over and finish it for her.

She has an obsession with spots on the carpet and uses all sorts of inappropriate cleaners on them. We have a great little spot cleaner that does a wonderful job on the spots, but she refuses to use it, I think it's because she doesn't know how to operate the machine.

She refuses help and suggestions and insists she is the only one who knows how to do the job correctly. The only way I have found to overcome the problem is to try and stay a few steps ahead of her, she usually sems happy when the jobs get done and she doesn't have to worry about it anymore.

One thing for sure, this journey ain't easy.
 

Sis2

New Member
I think very intellegent, strong willed people are the hardest to deal with when they have this DD. My Mom keeps telling me she's an adult, she can take care of herself and the rest of the world as well. She knows better than I about absolutely everything. She can take her medicine by herself if she "thinks" about it hard enough.
 

happyclam

New Member
You have a tough problem and it may be that only time will offer relief. I got some help from telling husb. that I was worried that he worked so hard..worried that he had too much to do and as someone else advised...try to stay ahead of him on things that you see needing repair. Only works part of the time however. You got good advice..here is one more idea. Is he comfortable with his doctor ? If so you might get some help there about the spending...I haven't been able to pull that off but got help with driving/pill taking/chain saw and a few other worrysome activities..Hang tough but be sure the doctor knows what is going on. You are right to fear violence and it will not be his or your fault. Do your best. I like the saying "some times courage is not shown with a roar. Sometimes it is a small voice saying at the end of a hard day, "I will try again tomorrow". Best wishes. H/C
 
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