PORCH #1129 NOW CLOSED (4/25/2019)

lydia1

Well-Known Member



Hope it's okay with everyone if I go ahead and start a new porch. Mikie had an earlier post on the last thread and I had started one, but had to go do some chores...anyway, here we are. I'll get this going, then come back and visit.

I can see that I'm going to have to open another window just so I can go back and try to catch up a bit with everyone, lol!

Mikie, I'm sorry your soup didn't sit well...hope your tummy settles down as the day goes by. I don't even attempt to eat anything that might be remotely spicy, etc....have a pretty bland palate, although I do enjoy some seasonings like salt, pepper, garlic, onion, etc...

Den and I talked to the attorney about how to keep from losing the farm if one or both of us ends up in a nursing home since one has to "spend down" most of their assets before being able to go on any kind of financial assistance. Even if we gave the farm to the girls today, our "time of need" would have to fall beyond the "look back" period that the gov't sets...and attorney said that can be changed at any time. Right now it's 60 months, but could be extended to much longer. Plain and simple...whoever outlives the other will just have to move in with the kids, lol! Congrats on paying off the condo...I'm sure it feels really great!

Kim, those muffin meals sound really good and so handy to have on hand. I've got several recipes stashed away, just haven't tried them yet. I did make something with biscuit dough, meat, cheese, etc...baked in muffin tins and froze any extra. Den used some of them when I was gone to Tennessee, etc. Yep, understanding family members are the best. My DH doesn't do a lot of cooking, housework, etc...but is very laid back when I have to let things go. And he does try to pick up the slack at times, but doesn't always know what to do (my fault? LOL! I should have "trained" him better, true?)

Sun, it's so nice that little Skylar gets to go on play dates at the ranch....must help a little to burn off some of her extra energy. Amy posted on facebook last night that Blu had gotten out and went on a running spree through the neighborhood...I can just picture it...the girls were chasing him between houses, etc. until he got tuckered out and they could catch him. They have a dog park to take him and Nala to, but he must have wanted a little extra exercise, lol! I hope this new chemo takes care of all your problems and has few to no side effects.

Spring, I can't even imagine the fear you all must live with about having another EQ. Any little (or not so little) tremor...would send me running. Our biggest concern would be tornadoes, some of our neighbors live in low-lying areas and have to always wonder about flooding...I guess no place is "perfect", true? I pray you don't have anything even close to what you all went through before.

Rock, awww, bless that Gordon! Tacos are one of my "comfort foods"...Den likes soft shell, but I prefer the crunch. I get the loaded (Supreme) ones...some of the grands only want meat, or maybe meat and cheese, lol!

Barry, spring in the valley...sounds beautiful! Hope Monty is still doing well. We can't catch our toms to do anything about them...but they travel all the time (more interesting and exciting to visit the Amish neighbors, especially the ones with milk cows who leave a pan full for the cats, lol!)

Granni, glad you had a nice Easter with family. And that the housing situation is getting taken care of. How nice that the elderly lady has places to go and can sing her way around :)

Star and Duckie...I've been thinking of you guys. Hope I haven't missed any recent posts and that you are both hanging in there the best you can.

I don't know if I've missed anyone or not...trying to get back in the groove, but so many things to remember to take care of. Finishing up my dad's "estate", such as it is. He and Mom left everything to me, except for a few little things to my brothers...and a couple things each to the girls, and Keira. (Keira was the only great-grandchild when they had their wills prepared and they left her the little step-stool she liked to sit on when visiting them...)

I'm finally going to do a thorough "sort and declutter" of the things in their mobile home...much will probably be donated or disposed of...but there are things that family members gave them and I will see if they want them returned. I'm thinking to just have stuff sitting out on tables in Den's shop when we have our get-together on Father's Day....let everyone go through and take what they want...then donate the rest to charity. I've already incorporated anything I can use in with my own household, and the pictures, Bibles, etc., etc. have been in a safe place in my house ever since my parents moved to the nursing home.

Just things that many of us have to "get through"...thankful I don't have to argue with anyone about anything...makes me want to get my "list" completed (funeral plans, what I want to go to who...we have the big stuff taken care of, but there's the little things that the girls and grands have specified that can just be put on a written list and added to at any time.)

Anyway, I'd better get busy. It's foggy and damp outside, so I'll be using the clothes dryer today. Take care, everyone!
 
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Mikie

Moderator
Hi, Kids,

Julie, thanks for getting us up and going again. Pretty spring tulips. Not gonna stay. The WV is still bad and it's in my chest. I took a hot bath and am going to put some menthol on my chest. I went down to the car and was totally out of breath after coming up the stairs. Rats!

Hope everydobby else is doing better than I.

Love, Mikie
 

springwater

Well-Known Member
Julie - lots going on, lots done. You will be a relieved person when everything is done. Did you notice it is so much more peaceful 5han when you were dealing with the work after Dens late DFs passing. i feel you are calm under all 5he necessary movement. At peace.

Mikie - hope 5his episode of whatever virus lets up soon. One of my relatives has it too. discomfort in the chest. I walked 5oday. visited a friend whose birthday is tomorrow. achy feet from walking back. am listening to the sound of nature ...this piece of music stirs something deep within...a yearning.

 
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lydia1

Well-Known Member
Hi guys! Oh, Mikie...that doesn't sound good. Glad you know what to do, and what to expect with that WV. Den and I are having lots of allergy symptoms lately...I was helping him pick up the yard the other day and my heart started racing. I came inside and checked my BP...BP was okay, but pulse was 122. It did calm down after I rested about an hour, but it's not fun at all....

Spring, I tried to watch the video, but it says "Video unavailable...the uploader has not made this video available in your country."

Yes, it is much more calm, to an extent...taking care of my dad's things as opposed to Den's dad's. I was able to deal with my dad's death, even after all the chaos of Lindsey's miscarriage.

Anyway...yes, in the great scheme of things...there is (technically) much less stress. I'd better get back to work. Had decided to "risk it" and hang out clothes...only had a few items still on the clothesline when it started to sprinkle, so rushed out to rescue them. And I'm deep cleaning our bedroom...lots of dust, might help our allergies if I take care of that.

Hope everyone is doing okay...found this on my facebook feed...made me chuckle.



 
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Mikie

Moderator
Hi, Kids,

Not much going on here except resting and watching TV. I hate being so inert. Eventually, this will pass as the AV does its thing.
In the meantime, I count it a blessing that I can rest when I'm sick.

Spring, the Whatever Virus is not the same as the ones which are going around. This one's in the Herpes Family and I've had it for years. Herpes Family Viruses never go away; they just go into latency only to reactivate when one gets run down. People with FMS and CFIDS/ME often suffer from them. The usual culprits are EBV, the one that causes Mono; CMV, which often is in vaccinations; and, HHV-6. I believe this is why we often feel fluish. Many do not even know they are infected. If Acyclovir makes the virus go back into latency, it's a Herpes Virus of one strain or another, We've never tested mine because, in the end, it doesn't matter. At the first infection, blood work may show the strain but once it's latent, it's more difficult to find. How sweet of you to visit your friend. I hope your relative feels better. I love this song too but I can't listen to it. I'm getting an error message that it isn't available in my country.

Julie, there is nothing wrong with you. These two sound like something is wrong with them. It is better to stay away from them as much as possible because they are obviously toxic. On the other hand, their behavior continues to cause you such pain long after they depart. I hope you can find a way to stop the pain because you and Den should be enjoying each other in this new season of life. I personally don't think it's possible to move on without forgiveness. It may not work for others but the only way I've been able to do it is to pray for the one or ones I want to forgive. The woman who broke up my family hurt me and the kids so horribly but I didn't want to carry that burden. It took a long time for my being able to forgive but just trying helps to alleviate the pain. The only alternative is to continue to live with the pain every day. There are a lot of sick people and people who just live to cause pain for others. I may forgive but I never get over the sadness I feel that these people can do the things they do. Good luck with dealing with this situation. I wish the best for everyone. BTW, try to remember your parents have already forgiven your DB and DSIL and they want you to be free of it.

A heart beat of 122 isn't bad when a person is active. In fact, getting the heart and lungs going for a period of time is good for us. Deduct your age from 220 and then take 80 percent of that to find the target heart rate for working out. Deducting your age from 220 is the maximum heart rate for prolonged workouts. I'm laughing about the adult toy. I don't use those products very often but whenever I have, it makes me nervous waiting for the pop. Hmmm, adult toy sounds like something else.

It's only 82 here this afternoon. A cold front is moving through tomorrow and some may get rain but I don't think we will get much if any. Geez, another tornado with damage and deaths. I hope Granni and her kids are OK. I worry about all this severe weather. I don't know how much damage insurance companies can pay out without big increases in premiums. We had some very strong winds in FL and a baby and 8 year old girl were killed when trees fell on their homes. A hit-and-run driver killed a little 7 year old girl who was waiting for the school bus. How could anyone do that? Her brother held her in his arms as she died. It seems as though people don't stop here when they hits someone.

Gonna go heat up the rest of the Brussels sprouts for my dinner. I hope all y'all have a lovely evening.

Love, Mikie


 
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springwater

Well-Known Member
Julie - the brother and his wife have behavioral and communication issues. Born of what, who knows. In our culture, its very easy to explain because of the theory of rebirth and past life issues. I get the feeling 5heyre very aware of how they treated your dear parents and the guilt is making them squirm.

To not want to have anything to do with them is only natural. What reason have they given for it to be otherwise? We gravitate 5owards love and acceptance and respect,we all need that to nurture our inner selves and the two have shown the opposite. Who wants to feel bad and made use of and treated like we are something to be tolerated under duress?

You might work on forgiveness though. I keep on getting the message from books, talk shows, my fellow meditators. that holding resentment hurts the one resenting. Because its a toxic emotion which we are holding within and revisit from time to time unawares. you suddenly remember this one did this, said that, and the thought brings horrid memories and the resulting horrid feelings, stomach tightening, teeth gritting, muscles tensing and heaviness in emotions. it can blight a perfect moment.

i have so much work to do in this respect. So many people, situations to forgive, let go of. its not easy at all!also im sure many persons i need to seek forgiveness from, because im no saint. But when i look at people, those persons who dont issues anymore with others, or very less issues because we are human after all, they seem to be able to cruise through life more smoothly, theyre more at peace. i envy that. 8m sure if i revisit my childhood, i will open a can of worms.

There are some blessed ones who seem to only have sorted persons around them, and for relatives; 5he rest of us have 5o navigate 5hrough stormy relationships peopled by complicated relatives as best we know how to. The trick is to learn as you go. and thank heaven every moment for those blessed persons who we are fortunate enough to have in the present moments who nurture us through it all.

God bless
 

rockgor

Well-Known Member
Hi Kids

Between no energy and computer troubles have not been able to post. Will see what happens this trip. Spring, Did you know you posted a Simon and Garfunkel song? One of my
favorites. It was written by a composer in Peru. When Paul Simon heard it in Paris he
thought it was a great piece of folk music and wrote English lyrics for it. Same Title.

Julie, thanks for opening up. Nice to see tulips. Seldom see them here. I am not
surprised to hear that you have untried recipes stashed away. I suspect all good cooks
do. Gordon has hundreds plus all his cookbooks. He couldn't fix all those recipes if he
lived to be a hundred. He fixed me an omelet tonight.

I am surprised to hear the Amish are thoughtful with milk for their cats. There was an
photo article about the Amish going to meetings, sales, etc.on the computer complete
with pictures. They let their poor horses stand for hours in the sun. Not even giving them
a drink of water.

I couldn't follow all that complicated bit about real property. Good thing you and Den do.
I have liked Mexican food every since I was a freshman in college and a cousin took me
to the first Mexican restaurant I had ever seen; or heard of. When I lived in Minneapolis
there were only three. One downtown and elegant; the other two small neighbor spots.

I dunno if I already posted this or not. I sometimes picture my brain as a pile of feathers.
Every now and then a little breeze comes along and blows away a few more feathers.
Anyway we used to take our dogs to a dog park. So did our neighbor. He said he'd been
going for more than a year. Didn't know the names of any of the other dog lovers but he knew the names of a lot of the dogs.

Mikie, I bet you can listen to El Condor Pasa if you first look for Simon and Garfunkel
songs. My mother loved those Pillsbury rolls. Said they were almost as good as hers and
almost as good. Can't really remember the "pop". Do you put them in the oven while
still in the container and then wait for the pop when it opens?

Hope you get some energy back. Maybe if Nikola Tesla were still with us, he could
help you. BTW, he was still alive in my lifetime. And others here too, I guess.

Hugs, Rock
 

Mikie

Moderator
Good Friday Morning, Kids,

The crud has moved into my lungs, unusual for the WV. I should get into the shower but will likely just take a soak. If I were to shower, I would have to do my hair and I don't have the NRG. My poor mop can go one more day. I have nowhere to go, thank God! I have to do a few small chores but nothing too strenuous. None of us got the FJ question last nigh. We had never heard of the element in question. Posted a few poop emojis. Claudia reported that her Mom has qualified for Hospice which will help out a lot. They provide diapers, a better wheelchair and a hospital bed in the facility. I can't even imagine how difficult this is. Nancy is having difficulty filing her state income tax returns and is stuck in bureaucracy hell. She is replacing the USPS approved mailbox that the county snow plow guy keeps knocking over. They don't even pay for the new one. Double hell! So, my WV is small potatoes comparatively speaking. Our temps are inching up and will probably be in the low 90's starting next week.

Spring, you write a lovely message. I agree with everything regarding forgiveness. It really isn't easy but it is sooo freeing once achieved. Like most things, it doesn't just happen and then is over with. Little reminders come and go and cause the reaction which hurts us so badly. Still, over time, forgiving has to be done for us to go forward. There are those who hang onto their pain and they suffer so badly for it. A woman on TV was talking about this and said we often don't want to forgive unless we get an apology. She said not to wait for that. The woman my ex is married to now has never apologized to me or the kids for what she and my ex did. She digs in and tries to tell the girls it was meant to be. I believe the only way she can live with herself is to be in denial. I get no pleasure in all the physical pain and sickness she now endures and I continue to pray for her and my ex. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I am now totally free of the pain but it's been more than 30 years since it all began. You have explained it all so well, as usual. I used to know the words to the song on the video. We had it on a cassette. The video is so beautiful and peaceful. I'll use it for relaxation. I especially love sloths. They have the most adorable little faces. Thank you!

Rock, I also suffer from no NRG right now. I feel your pain, my brother. I love Mexican food and should get out to try the newer places here. We haven't had any good Mexican restaurants but there are a couple of newer ones. I don't use those rolls very much. I don't like the taste. To me, they don't taste homemade. I haven't struck the cans on the counter top. I have always stuck my thumb into the seam along the side of the can to get it to pop open. If that fails, a paring knife stuck into the seam works. Speaking of feathers--Julian Lennon was on TV and said his father told him if anything ever happened to him, he would communicate to his son with feathers. It sent chills up my spine. That is how my Mom has communicated with us that she is OK. It could be that it's a common thing. Picture yourself as someone who collects feathers as the breeze blows them your way.

OK, Kids. Gonna go get into the tub. I'm listening for the garbage man to collect the trash. I need to take a bag of it down to the dumpster before the rain which may hit us this afternoon. DOF called and I am glad to hear he is still doing OK. He is amazing. Hope everydobby here is OK or better. Preferably better.

Love, Mikie

 

lydia1

Well-Known Member
Good morning, friends! Den and I both slept in...I woke up around 4:00, then 6:00, 6:30...but didn't want to disturb him by getting up because he was so tired...then I ended up falling asleep till after 8:00, lol! Den was already up, watching a woodworking video on the computer so as not to wake me. If this is what "semi-retirement" is, I'll take it, lol!

Rock, your talk of feathers in your brain struck something in my heart. My dad used to say there was "just nothing in his brain" like his brain was empty...I would feel so bad for him, but there was nothing I could do. I did get him some art supplies, hoping he would somehow be able to sketch again (anything to express himself) but he never did pick them up. I offered the sketchbook, pencils, etc. to Lindsey and she was very touched.

Mikie, there are lots of "bugs" going around our area...if you've picked up something else, along with the WV...oh dear. Glad you are pacing yourself and praying you get over it all very soon. Glad DOF is doing okay. Hospice is a wonderful thing...when my dad was on hospice (right before my mom died...doctor took him off the Alzheimer's meds and he came out of it, somehow) the hardest thing for Mom was that Dad couldn't eat in the regular dining room with her...had to be in the assisted dining area. Hospice provided an aid to sit with Dad a few days a week so he could be beside Mom during meals....a little thing, true, but it was important to her.

I should have been more clear about my heart rate the other day. I wasn't doing anything nearly as strenuous as I sometimes do...I actually ended up sitting on the ground, picking up nearby sticks and tossing them into a garden cart. The chest pains were what finally alerted me that there might be a problem and the reason I came to the house. I'm thinking it wouldn't be a bad idea to get my checkup with the cardiologist scheduled...probably just the stress from the past few weeks, combined with the "anger/bitterness/resentment" I feel towards my brothers and their wives...but this kind of symptoms are what led to the angiogram in 2015 that discovered the "small/normal for my age" blockage in my LAD. A change of meds seemed to take care of things back then...

You have good advice, and have "walked the walk" as they say...I can't imagine I would have kept myself out of jail if my husband had done something like that to me...except, of course, you had the girls to think of...

Spring, as usual...very good, heartfelt advice also. My mind already knows and comprehends these things...just getting my heart to cooperate, lol! It would help considerably if I didn't feel like I had to still "have anything to do with them." Much easier to "forgive and forget" if the source of your angst isn't right in front of your face. After Father's Day, it will be easier to go our separate ways...although I'll do whatever/as much as our girls want to do. The younger generations need family around and the girls or their cousins haven't caused any of the stress.

So, enough of that, huh? I've got one of those sinus headaches, so will need to get some water boiling and let the steam do its thing. Then the colloidal silver (sprayed up the nose), and if all that fails, then the allergy med/decongestant and Tylenol.

Den may work tomorrow (pouring more concrete...they didn't want to chance it today, due to rainy forecast) so I'll decide which projects to work on today and tomorrow. We certainly have plenty to do...some things are a one-person job, others require more "hands on deck."

Speaking of boats...we watched a show on Netflix last night about the 4-women team who rowed from California to Australia a few years ago...oh, my goodness! I think the trip was to promote breast cancer awareness and it certainly was a giant undertaking...I don't know if anyone else has done it since or not.

I'd better get off the computer and get busy. Feels like the weekend already, lol! Will have to get used to "not knowing what day of the week it is" ;) Take care, everyone!
 

Mikie

Moderator
Hi, Kids,

Had a little nap earlier but it wasn't long enough to feel restorative. I just loaded the DW and cleaned the sink. The garbage will have to wait until tomorrow. There is nothing smelly in it. It looks awful out and I don't want to have to hurry or get caught out in the rain. My head is all stuffed up and I feel a bit out of it. The gardeners are cutting the lawn so I moved into the side room to watch TV to try to avoid the noise. SV came in and cried so I put him up on the back of the sofa and he had a nice snooze.

Julie, it is possible I caught something in addition to the WV. I usually don't have it in my chest nor do I usually cough. I hadn't considered that possibility. Sweetie, there is no getting over the big hurts and no forgiving and forgetting. I'm sorry if I made it sound simple or easy. It's hard but so worth doing for yourself. I have forgiven but I can never forget. I didn't wait til I felt I could forgive to start the process. I just included them in my prayers, doing my best to mean it. It was simply a mechanical process to begin with. Then, slowly but surely, the pain lessened and the forgiving began.

A thought came to me while I was soaking in the tub. Suppose the SIL picked up rocks and threw them at you. You could duck and avoid being hit. You wouldn't pick up those rocks and carry them around. You would walk away. When we hold onto the hurt, even without meaning to, it's like we pick up all those rocks and carry them around until we can barely walk for the burden on our backs. I used a vision to help me in the beginning. I picked up those rocks and put them in a backpack. When I could no longer carry them, I put them in a small boat and pushed them out to sea. The relief I felt was amazing and the healing began. This might not work for everyone. We all have to find our own rituals to rid ourselves of the pain.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is another good way to go. CBT tells us to identify the triggers or the moments when our minds start to revisit the hurt. It is then that we immediately tell ourselves to stop and we find something else to think about or distract ourselves. It is one of the best shortcuts to healing that I have found. It doesn't mean stuffing the hurt down. We have already acknowledged that we have been hurt. CBT is a method to stop the hurt that our minds will continue to inflict on us if we don't stop it. If we had a bruise, we wouldn't keep hitting it. Our psyches are bruised and we need to protect them and allow them to heal. CBT may be the best way to start out. I wish you good luck. You can do more than one thing to help the healing process along.

I didn't realize you were having other problems along with the elevated heart rate. I think checking the resting heart rate is a better way to check it out. Resting means doing nothing for five minutes while resting the mind and body. Because you are having symptoms and have had problems in the past, I think it would be a good idea to call the doc and get it checked out. You have been through so much and the stress may have triggered it. In any case, I hope you feel better all around. This watch was expensive but the cheaper ones all do pulse rate. I also have a cuff to keep track of my blood pressure. I got it free from my insurance co. but they aren't expensive. It's full automated and all I have to do is put the cuff on and push a button.

Glad I got the DW loaded and it's running. When I don't feel decent, it's a real temptation to just let things slide. I always feel better if I can manage to do something, even something small. Does anyone watch The Young And The Restless? I don't watch soaps but it's the one DSIL's cousin's wife is on. An ad was talking about a death on the show. I don't know whether one of the actors actually died or whether it was just one of the characters. Guess I'll go check it out.

Update: The actor, Kristoff St. John, died so they are honoring him through his character, someone named, Neil Winters. This must be so hard on the entire cast. St. John was on the soap for 27 years. DSIL's cousin's wife was grieving so hard when she lost her FIL, my SIL's uncle, last year. She is a nice person and I think that's why she didn't stay with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I'm sure this loss has brought back her grief from losing her DFIL.

Hope all y'all are having a great day.

Love, Mikie

 
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Granniluvsu

Well-Known Member
Dear Ones,

Waiting for the cleaning ladies to come. Wish they could have come earlier but what to do? We have tickets to a local showing of the Diary of Anne Frank at our Crighton theater. Before hand we will go to dinner with another couple. I hate it when it is such a busy day and then have to rush but we have had these tickets for some time . The dinner should also be interesting. I hear it is very good Italian food - my favorite even though now the best for either of us. yum yum !!

JULIE - So sorry for the way you are feeling. It surely doesn't make you feel any better even after they have left. I do understand that feeling but I don't think about having to wait till my sil or neices come and visit me. I have written a letter to my niece and now trying to get the guts to send it. It is all just the truth with nothing bad in it and how I feel , am feeling health wise, etc., and how I felt when my niece cut me off from FB. Apparently my kids are still on it or some of them that we on her list before. I figured that the death of my DB would either bring out the best or worst in them/my SIL and my brothers children. I think the seeds have or had already been planted. If I had gone to the funeral perhaps things would be better but seems like there is little understanding on their parts on how I feel. They apparently all were very upset years ago when we told them NO we could not take my mom in for part of the time when recouperating after her first broken hip it was. Remember she and they all lived in NY or Long Island. I'm sure she kept the embers or dislike burning in the family. She and the eldest girl have always been the most opinionated but when I was attacked verballing years ago in an email by the quiet one.. Forget exactly what it was but know it had something to do with my mom, I know things had gotten bad. I was very hurt by that. Years ago one of my grandsons had leukemia and my DCD was getting divorced and when I told them about it, in a letter or email I got little response. Sorry for whining again. It is so hard to get things cleared up especially when they are miles apart but not the way I feel, not even sure if I care. I think I do but am so frustrated. All those things are so hard to forget and dismiss unless the other party makes a move towards it. I have been so busy with other things I keep forgetting to send the letter to DNeice. Not sure it would be good or not but knowing my DB I thin he probably would want me to send it to try and make some sort of peace. I know after I send it it will be shared with all in the family which is OK with me but the way they take it is a different matter.:( Thanks for your long post.

The buying of all those things from your DB and SIL for Amy and all definately sounds to me like guilt has set in after finding out you are not as mean s she had been saying. Who knows what she thinks now if it is phony or not. Glad you got some rest both of you and are trying to enjoy this new time in your life, you have earned it and more.

MIKIE - Sorry you are still feeling so badly. Maybe you need to go to the doc to see if it is something else. Sorry I have not been on here that much but have been doing some reading on the Porch..

Sorry this is not as long as I would like it to be but have to do a few things before the ladies come and I think it will be soon, if they are on time.

LOVE TO EVERYDOBBY inc ROCK, BARRY,SW, STAR SUN, et al,
Granni :)



 

Mikie

Moderator
Dear Granni,

Just woke up from my second nap of the day and decided to drop in. I'm so sorry about all you have gone through with your family too. I know this has been so stressful for you. Unfortunately, we can't make others loving and caring. We just can't control their actions. All we can try to control is our own. I've posted what has worked for me but I know we are all different. It is especially hard when it's family that causes us pain. We love our families and friends and want the best for them. When they act ugly, it makes us sad and hurt. I hope your family will come around. You know you are in my thoughts.

I just took some Pepto because my stomach is upset too. I brushed my teeth and I won't be eating anything else today. I have on some old jammie bottoms that are loose because I can't take anything pressing on my waist right now. Been trying to work the crossword puzzles in the big book. I can finish some but others are so obscure that I just give up. Puzzles need to be just the right difficulty or they are no fun. I like to have to work to get them; it's a good workout for my pea brain. It's hard to come to terms with not having the mental capacity to do things I used to do. Grace and I were just talking about that.

I hope you enjoy dinner and the show.

Love, Mikie
 

lydia1

Well-Known Member
Hi gang! Sorry if I am bringing up old/continuing hurts with all my drama. Or maybe it is helpful to some of the porchies, or even people who just read but don't post. I think it was just too much at once...I don't think any of the family even realized or thought about how exhausted I was (mentally and physically) from the trips to Tennessee and back.


Just trying to give you all an idea of WHY I'm having a little trouble dealing with anything right now...Mikie, no worries...I know you realize it isn't easy to let go. I eventually will, I'm sure...it's just that it all pounced on me at once and my body and mind hit "tilt." About the rocks, though...I'm afraid at the moment I would pick them up and throw them back (funny, not funny, I know.)

I see you just posted...oh, man...stomach trouble, too? Does that ever happen with the WV?

Granni, I'm so sorry for your family difficulty. Was there a reason your mother couldn't go to a facility to recuperate? That would have been so hard on her to be away from doctors, friends, etc. And you had your hands full as it was.

It will all get sorted out. I think in my case, we just need some communication.

We did have some good conversations...the boys had lots of fun memories to tell the pastor about, when we met to go over the funeral service. I can just hold on to that, at least. And the fact that my parents had so many people who cared about them and took good care of them at the nursing home. And that hopefully my little family won't end up having the same problems to deal with when Den and I are gone...see, I can "think positive", lol!

Time to get back to work. Den had to go on to work, after all. His boss decided to go ahead and pour concrete and it would go smoother with everyone there. And I have a big quilt to hang on the line, since the sun is shining now. Take care, everyone. Sorry if I'm boring most of you...helps to get this off my chest...

 
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sunflowergirl

Well-Known Member
Julie: You can't change your brothers or their wives. But you can just let it all go and enjoy your own family. What strikes me is both your brothers seem afraid of their wives and afraid to speak up to them. Why is that? Honestly, if I were their counselor I would tell them to sit their respective wife down and draw the line.....don't talk to me like that anymore, give me respect or I'm walking out. From my perspective both wives seem to have drawn this line to see how far they can push their husband until he blows. And of course you will know what I'm taking about when i say it's the husband's job/duty to LOVE their wife, and the wife is the RESPECT their husband. But......if a wife feels loved she will automatically respect her husband.

Back from the chemo treatment. Since I had it 2 weeks ago at the hospital I was allowed to drive home and 'hold" it for 2 hrs. The idea is to lay on one side and then the other so it kinda sloshes around. Boy was I watching the clock to when time was up.

Spring: Yes, forgiveness. You're so right. But.....if a person keeps bringing up that they've forgiven someone, shouldn't it just be out of their thoughts completely. I have several friends who say they've forgiven a person for something that was done, but they still talk about the wrong that was done to them. I would say NO, there still needs to be forgiveness. My close friend of over 55 years STILL brings up what someone did to her over 58 years when we were both young and single. I can honestly say that I have totally forgotten the "big wrong" that was done to me by someone, that I was so hurt by at the time. I've let it go so much that I don't even remember because I've moved on in the relationship. And that person never ever apologized for what was said to me.

Barry: Here's a short little succulent video...enjoy

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=xVQHJmwWqbM
 
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springwater

Well-Known Member
Julie - that lavendar pic made me guffaw out loud. That would be me a couple years ago if we had lavendar 5his part of the world, (we dont.) essential oil makers must be growing them however, privately.

Sun - so good to know you are getting back to normal. forgiveness is tricky and ability to totally forgive depends on how much hurt has been caused, how and what it affected in our lives. i have forgiven the housemaid who had an affair with my father when i was 8 years old. 5he affair lasted till i was 18. mum, bro5hers all joined me here in nepal, we left Dad in India when i got a job. Dad lasted on his own for a mon5h before he sold our furniture and came and joined us.

the beginning of 5hat affair heralded the worst part of our lives. in every respect. but so much time has gone by. i have had nothingtodo with her since i was 18. out of sight. out of mind. out of my life. she was a mere 15 years old whenthe affair started.Her life got ruined. i bring her up if a topic like 5hat comes up. ive even forgiven my dad even though he was more to be held responsible. However, in my spiritual journey, ive come to a point where i know why things 5hat happened did happen.

im trying to forgive my MIL and others, ive made some headway but its still a long long way to Tipperary...hahahaha. When Julie talks about 5he toxic members of her family, i understand, and empathise. if i were still living with my MIL. One of us would either be having psychiatric issues or in jail for having attempted to throttle the other.
 
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rockgor

Well-Known Member
Hi Kids

Here's some Lavender (Sans Julie). Apparently it's easy to grow. Gordon almost always buys lavender soap. Somewhere I read that if you walk very quietly through a succulent garden you can hear some plants say, "Aloe".

Thanks for the garden video, Sun. How long after your treatment does it take before you feel OK again? And do the doctors know yet how long you need to have the treatments?

Julie, you are so nice. I'd try to discourage unwanted guests from coming. "Oh, Sure.
Come on over. We just sprayed the yard with Roundup, but I don't think that stuff is
really as poisonous as people say." If that doesn't do it I'd try something else. "We've
joined a nutrition group that only eats natural, uncooked food. If you drop by we can give you some raw oats and Garden Weed Soup. It's warmed by the sun. We donated all our commercial food to the Thrift Shop." Special Sale. Come In and Grab Your Grub."

I know. You can't really do that without causing problems for your brothers. But you
can at least imagine. "Sure, bring your dog and the kids. I expect the rattle snake Den saw is the yard yesterday is gone by now....No, I don't remember what part of the lawn."

Mikie, you're right about puzzles. When I first started doing crosswords, maybe ten
years or so ago, I found them all difficult. Then the easy ones were too easy, and
my mind was fading away, so I moved to to"Compare the two cartoons". Don't do
any puzzles any more. Hope you feel better tomorrow. Hang on to those jammie
bottoms. You know how things come back in style.

Hi, Granni. Did the cleaning posse show up? Is the place now Spit-Spot? I think it was
Mary Poppins who said that. Yes, relatives are a controversial subject. Some of my
aunts and uncles I only saw once or twice in my life. I think they lived in N. Iowa. And
there was one family that moved to Alaska. Never saw or heard from them again. But
it's possible they wrote to my Mom. Hope you didn't wear yourself out cleaning.

I watched some Match Game shows today. Sometimes they have guests I haven't seen
for decades. This week the guest was Michael Landon. Pa Ingalls from Little House on et. And last week they had Mary Wicks. She was in more than a hundred movies and
TV shows.

ADIOS, Old Pals
Rock

Well, I dunno where the lavender pics. went. This computer is sly. It pretends to be
working properly, but in reality it's plotting to stab you in the back with an exclamation
point.

upload_2019-4-26_17-41-35.jpeg upload_2019-4-26_17-41-35.jpeg

upload_2019-4-26_17-41-35.jpeg
 
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Mikie

Moderator
Good Saturday Morning, Kids,

Woke up in the middle of the night with a splitting headache. This virus is hanging on with all its might. Well, the AV and I are stronger than the virus so we will win out in the end. I got up and got an ice bag and took some acetaminophen and went back to bed. I gave SV a couple of his little treats and he went to bed with me and slept by my side.

I texted my DD's last evening after I saw the news with video of that horrible chain reaction crash on I-70 in Denver. There were 28 vehicles involved and some explosions and fires. I wanted to make sure my little ones are OK. They aren't little anymore but I still call them My Little Loves. My SIL thinks it's so funny that I call them all that. I-70 runs more to the north and my kids live to the south of the city but one SIL is in outside sales and he drives all over the place. I-70 also runs out by the airport where the other SIL goes but the accident happened more to the west side of town. One woman was injured and a panhandler dragged her from her burning car. It looked like hell on earth. One DD called and we got caught up.

Julie, I'm not worried about you. I know you will be able to work things out and find some peace for yourself. It can't be easy. That woman sounds like what they used to call a battle ax. I laughed about picking up the rocks and throwing them back. Too funny! Don't worry about talking about it here. It helps to get it out. It's great that we can vent to our little online family and it's great that the family is here to offer support and suggestions. I consider it a blessing which has helped me to get through things.

Sun, I hope this chemo helps. Doubt I would be able to hold it for two hours. About talking about what we have had to forgive...the aim is to forgive but not necessarily to forget. In my case, I can talk about what happened without its causing anger and hurt. I share my experience with forgiving with Julie in the hope that it is helpful for her. I am glad Spring has shared her experience with having forgiven because it's uplifting. Again, I hope the chemo is helping.

Spring, thank you so much for talking about your experience. It's always helpful to know that we are not the only ones who have been hurt and need to forgive. I am laughing about the 'throttle' remark about you and your MIL. And yes, it is a long, long way to Tipperary...a long, long way to go. Haven't thought about that song in ages. Between that, Rock's suggestions and Julie's lavender, it shows that a good sense of humor is an important part of the process. Humor makes everything better, even those toxic people.

Rock, sounds as though you have your own creative ways of dealing with the people who drive us nuts. Again, a great sense of humor. Geez, down here, we could invoke gators and all kinds of snakes. I am so lucky that all my kids and inlaws are wonderful. I don't have to deal with my ex so not much in the way of toxic people to deal with now. He calls once in a blue moon and I'm polite. He will likely come over to DD's when I visit. Time, space and forgiveness have made it easy for me. Your lavender pics are visible to me.

I will be getting into the shower now that I've had my coffee and antacid. I want to do it while I'm feeling able. The hot water on my head should feel good. Hope I'll also feel up to doing a little dusting and up to cleaning out SV's water fountain. Glad I got some extra filters for it. I hope everydobby is having a great start to the weekend.

Love, Mikie
 
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